A pregnant woman who doesn’t want to parent is probably going to find herself weighing two options: adoption and abortion. Both have long-term implications. For that reason, at Choices Pregnancy Center, we strive to give a woman the time and nonjudgmental space she needs to carefully consider all her alternatives so she can make a choice she feels proud of.
Deciding between the alternatives of abortion and adoption involves comparing how each one addresses her concerns. In this article, we’ll look at common concerns and the answers each option provides.
“I Don’t Want to Parent”
Both adoption and abortion remove parenting from a woman’s equation. Adoption shifts the parenting responsibility to someone who is eager to take it on. Abortion terminates the pregnancy before the child can be born and need parenting.
“Don’t Rush Me”
The longer a woman’s pregnancy continues, the more invasive (and costly) are the available procedures for abortion. (See this page for an overview of abortion procedures and when they can be used during pregnancy.) For this reason, a woman may feel pressured to make an early decision—sometimes driving her to decide before she has time to fully consider other alternatives.
Adoption, on the other hand, allows a woman time to plan for her future as well as her child’s. She can learn more about the help she has available, the different kinds of adoption plans she can make, and how to maintain a healthy pregnancy so her child has the best possible start in life. Meanwhile, the child continues living, growing, and developing while the woman takes her time deciding.
“What If I Change My Mind?”
When an abortion is complete, that pregnancy ends. The story is over.
NOTE: In some cases, women begin a “medical or “chemical” abortion and then seek to reverse the process after taking only the first pill, mifepristone. Abortion Pill Reversal is possible, but it must begin within 72 hours of taking the first pill. (See this post for more information.)
Alternatively, adoption preserves the life of the developing child, while the woman decides whether or not she wants to parent. Throughout her pregnancy, she has freedom to assess her situation and learn about pregnancy (and maybe even parenting). She can evaluate the support and other resources available to her. A woman may gain so much confidence in her ability to parent that she changes her plans and decides to raise the child herself.
Other people in the woman’s life may change their minds, too. Sometimes family members and partners may object to continuing the pregnancy at first. With time, they may come to see it more positively. If the pregnancy has already ended in abortion, their support comes too late. But if adoption is in the works, plans can still be adjusted.
“I Don’t Want to Bring a Child into My Hard Circumstances”
Most women want to do what is kindest for the child they carry. They may wonder if ending a barely-begun life is more loving than bringing a child into a difficult situation.
Sometimes it can be hard to imagine our current circumstances ever changing. But we cannot see the future. We may be surprised to learn how many resources are available to help us change our painful circumstances.
Choices Pregnancy Center in Redwood Falls and Marshall, Minnesota, helps connect expecting women with the support they need to solve problems that may be holding them down. We and our broad network of community professionals can help people deal with issues involving their relationships, mental and physical health, housing, education, material/financial resources, and much more.
So, the question becomes: Which option will bring about the best long-term solutions?
It's not uncommon for women who choose abortion to take no further steps to improve their circumstances. Because they wanted a quick fix for what felt like their one big problem—pregnancy—they are content to end that and stop there. They move on, continuing in the same unhealthy patterns, leading to another pregnancy down the road—and the same hard decision to make all over again, about another developing child.
By contrast, adoption gives women an opportunity to plan for a better future—for their children and for themselves. A woman on this path can:
- Be in charge of choosing a loving family for her child
- Receive financial support throughout pregnancy
- Make plans to make significant life changes: finishing her own education, developing healthier relationships, and becoming the kind of person she truly wants to be—someone her child will be proud of
By preserving the life of her child and choosing a good, caring family to raise that child, a woman is doing a very brave, very loving thing. The kind of sacrifice a birth mother makes to place her baby in the hands of others is a very deep kind of love.
Adoption: Loving Life Without Pressures of Parenting
Parenting is a big responsibility, and not every woman is ready for the job when she becomes pregnant. Yet a woman may believe human life has value in itself. Maybe she holds religious views that see life as a gift from God. Maybe she has seen her developing child on an ultrasound and the thought of ending that life through abortion is not appealing to her.
Adoption does not require a woman to terminate her pregnancy. Her child is allowed to continue growing all the way to birth and beyond. Choosing to continue her pregnancy becomes the first way a woman says, “I love you” to her child. She chooses to carry her child to term because she believes her child is worth it. That child’s life matters to her.
Choosing adoption becomes the first way she says, “I love you” to her child. She believes her child has intrinsic value. That child’s life matters to her.
Even though she will not be involved in daily parenting activities, by choosing adoption she has made a bold declaration that she cares deeply about her child.
“I Want to Plan a Good Future for My Child”
Because abortion ends the pregnancy, the child under development will not have a future. That may sound harsh, but it is medically accurate. This particular child, with its own set of DNA, will not have another chance at life once this pregnancy is terminated.
On the other hand, adoption opens doors to a future shaped by the birth mother. With time to consider all the paths forward, a woman can design an adoption experience that suits her child best.
Birth parents get to:
- Choose adoptive parents from many qualified couples who have completed the rigorous application and preparation process.
- Determine how much contact they want with their child in the future—from none to regular visits
- Decide whether they want the adoption kept secret. Some women prefer not to let others know they were once pregnant.
- Spend time in the hospital with their baby before the adoptive parents take him or her home with them.
Bringing a new human being into the world is an amazing experience. And choosing to provide a positive influence on the future of that new little person is another gift from birth parent to child.
“I’d Like to Explore Adoption Before Committing to It”
Taking time to settle on a loving solution to unplanned pregnancy is wise. There are many ways to look into adoption before you make a decision. Here are some we recommend.
Meet one-on-one with pregnancy center staff. Talk to an advocate at Choices Pregnancy Center in Redwood Falls or Marshall, Minnesota. You’ll receive complete, unbiased information on all your options, without pressure to choose a particular one. At Choices, you will find a safe place to ask questions and form a clear picture of what resources you already have, what support is available, and what your next steps might look like.
Explore adoption agencies online. The internet contains a great deal of information about adoption agencies. We do not recommend any agency over another. However, some that we are familiar with are listed at the end of this post.
Talk to people about their adoption experiences. Find out first-hand how adoption went for a variety of people—birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children. Each story will be unique.
And always remember: Choices Pregnancy Center is here to support you in navigating the road ahead with your unplanned pregnancy. Just reach out when you’d like to talk.
Related articles:
Brief summary of abortion and adoption options: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/is-abortion-or-adoption-right-for-me/
Questions to ask yourself about adoption: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/adoption-could-it-be-best-for-your-child/
Common myths about adoption: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/adoption-you-need-to-know-its-not-just-giving-up/