You’ve just lugged Baby, his diaper bag, and your groceries to the car, when you discover a tire is flat.
Your cell phone rings. It’s your boss yelling at you for being late—again.
Then, that smell tells you Baby filled the last of his diapers . . . and you forgot to buy more.
Your blood pressure is rising, your heart is pounding, and that slow steady burn is starting.
You’re getting angry.
What Makes Mommy Mad
Anger is a natural response to feeling “blocked.” In other words, we all tend to feel angry when things don’t go our way. Author Tim Kimmel suggests many parents are ticked off about 5 common things. See if these sound familiar to you:
- Fatigue. Ever feel like your child stole all your energy?
- Projected Anger. Ever get angry at your child when you’re actually upset at the boss?
- Unrealistic Expectations. No matter how much you want “sunny and 75” days in November, they’re not gonna happen. And your toddler will spill milk. Hard to accept?
- Failure to Plan. Benjamin Franklin said, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” Did you skip the planning step?
- Distorted Perspective. Ever feel like everything’s against you and everyone wants to ruin your life? Come on, is that really true?
Shaken Baby Syndrome
When you’re angry, you’re likely to lash out without thinking. Too late, you realize your response was not the right one--or a safe one. And as a mother, that’s not something you want to do.
Babies tend to do the same annoying things over and and over. Crying, pooping, crying, spitting up… You just want to make it stop. BEWARE: NEVER SHAKE YOUR BABY. Just a few seconds of shaking can cause permanent damage to your child Do you need help dealing with a crying baby? Our Earn While You Learn program can teach you great ways to calm a baby—and yourself.
Even if you don't physically hurt your child when you're angry, you may make him intensely fearful. You are his world. If you are out of control, his world is out of control. When you have had an outburst around your child that you regret, be sure that you help mend things by apologizing. See this post on how to say “I’m sorry” well.
What’s an Angry Mother To Do?
Learn about your child's developmental stages. (See Related Articles, below to get started.) The Center for Disease Control says, “The fact is that many new parents and caregivers find themselves unprepared for the realities of caring for a baby and the stress and aggravation that can accompany those realities.” The solution? Prepare yourself through our Earn While You Learn program.
Develop a discipline style that reduces problems. Once you understand what you can expect from your child, you’ll find it easier to roll with the rough parts of the journey. If your child is a toddler, chances are good you’ll deal with a few tantrums along the way. (Here's our post about dealing with tantrums.) You'll also need to develop an appropriate discipline style; you can learn when and how to say “no” (and yes, too!) through Earn While You Learn.
Learn healthy ways to deal with anger. Many things may trigger your anger: your boss’s tirade, your flat tire, relationship frustrations, even memories of past hurts… Part of being a good parent is learning to deal with inevitable anger.
Would you like to learn how to express your anger in healthy ways? Are you looking for ways to calm yourself when you think you’re about to explode? We’re here to help.
At Choices Pregnancy Center, we know that having a baby is only the beginning. Going on to live like a mature parent requires patience and perseverance. So come talk to us. We love to coach parents through those early childhood stages successfully. Text or call us today to set up an appointment. You can feel safe telling us your concerns asking all your questions.
We want to help you be an Angry Mommy no more.
Child development in months 1-3: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/watch-me-grow-your-babys-development-in-months-1-to-3/
Child development in months 4-6: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/watch-me-grow-your-babys-development-in-months-4-to-6/
Child development in months 7-12: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/watch-me-grow-your-babys-development-in-months-7-to-12/
Child development in months 12-24: https://choicespregnancycenter.com/watch-me-grow-your-babys-development-in-months-12-to-24/
Relationship expert Tim Kimmel describes 5 reasons many parents lose their tempers, and 5 ways to deal with those: http://www.imom.com/10-strategies-for-not-losing-your-temper/#.VlYZxb8c9FK
Mental Health Foundation’s easy-to-read article on anger’s causes and solutions: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/A/anger/