How to Wrestle with Unexpected Fatherhood and Win

Unexpected fathers can be heroic men who see their partners through tough times.When Alissa* showed Jake* her positive pregnancy test, Jake didn’t know what to say. Or do. He just wanted it not to be true. But there was Alissa, looking at him with her eyes full of tears. She was scared. And so was he.

That’s when something inside Jake kicked into high gear. He had to choose. Would he act like a boy and run away from the situation, or act like a man and shoulder his responsibility? Jake chose to be a man.

Unexpectedly, Jake had become a father. That day he began to be a good one.

Ever been in Jake's shoes? See what you can learn from Jake’s example.

Don’t Run. Stand Your Ground.

Jake knew Alissa didn’t get pregnant by herself. Together they chose to be sexually active, and together they had made a baby. So her pregnancy was his pregnancy, too. Jake knew he’d be a coward to abandon her to “solve the problem” alone.

So Jake stood with Alissa, and together they found a way through their crisis.

Another couple didn’t handle their unexpected pregnancy so well. Olympic athlete Sanya Richards-Ross discovered she was pregnant just days before the 2008 Olympics. But her then-fiancé took the passive way out. He just avoided discussing their options. She says,

“I always harbored some resentment toward Ross. It was our mess-up, but I felt abandoned in the decision,” she writes. “It was like by not saying anything, neither agreeing nor opposing, he kept his conscience clear, but it wasn’t fair. We were in it together.”

Richards-Ross went on to get an abortion because she felt she had no choice. It took years for her to find peace and forgiveness, for both herself and her now-husband. (Learn more about her journey back from abortion in her book, Chasing Grace.)

So what about you?

You were there to begin your partner’s pregnancy. Be the man who’s strong enough to walk forward with her, too.

Protect Others, Not Yourself

Heroes aren’t selfish. They recognize that doing the right thing often means doing the hard thing.

Heroes are the firefighters who rush into burning buildings to rescue missing children or free people who are trapped. They’re the men on ships who give their lifeboat seats to “women and children first.”

Jake was a hero when he showed more concern for Alissa’s future—and their baby’s future—than his own convenience.

More men are getting this figured out. Ben Watson, tight end for the Baltimore Ravens and a father himself, recently told a crowd,

“We as men must stand up for the lives of the innocent and their mothers in crisis. It is past time that we be the leaders, caretakers and providers that we were meant to be.”

You are needed. An unexpected baby and that baby’s mother need your help. Don’t let them down.

Protect them by being a heroic, unselfish man who puts others first.

Ask for Help

We’ve all heard the jokes about guys who won’t ask for directions.

Don’t be a joke.

Jake knew he and Alissa needed help finding their way forward. When he heard about a pregnancy resource center in town, he checked it out. What he found was a place where people really listened to them, really got what they were going through. He learned he and Alissa had way more options and resources available to them than he had first thought. And he connected with caring mentors willing to walk this road beside them, while offering education along with emotional and practical support.

You can do the same. Asking for help is what wise adults do when they face new and important decisions.

Be a man who’s wise enough to ask for help from people who really care about you and your partner.

You’ll be on your way to being an amazing father. Just like Jake.


Choices Pregnancy Center is here for unexpected fathers and mothers
who are trying to find their way forward.

If your partner has had a positive pregnancy test, or wants to take a free one,
stop in and let us help.
All our services are free.

Call or text us today to find out more.

Your first Father’s Day could be the beginning of a very happy life!


* Not actual client names